That awful feeling!

When Kennedy was a newborn, I could not do the whole "sleep when she sleeps" thing. As soon as she fell asleep, I was up washing bottles, cleaning up, doing laundry etc...By the time Nick got home from work, I was a zombie. Too tired to even shower. I would just crawl into bed. Kennedy nursed every 2-3 hrs so I wasn't getting much sleep at night either. One day during my maternity leave, Kennedy was having a really rough day. She cried pretty much non-stop alllll morning long. At one point, I got so stressed that  I accidently dropped the Itzbeen timer on her little face. :( Right at that time my bestie Megan came over to visit and so I could take a shower. I met her at the door hysterically crying. I felt like such a failure of a mom. Megan looked at me and said "Give me Kennedy. Go take a shower and go to bed." And that's exactly what I did. When I woke up, I felt much better but I will never forget that awful feeling.

I haven't felt that way again until tonight. Honestly I am usually one of those just "go with the flow moms" but tonight was a different story. Nick had class so Kennedy and I met my sister in law Rachael at Chili's for dinner. Kennedy did really great during dinner until right when the waitress brought our check. She got very whiny and fussy so I picked her up out of the high chair and was going to hold her until the waitress brought back my card. Well I quickly discovered that Kennedy had had a MAJOR blowout. Probably one of the worst ones she has ever had. She is cutting her top two teeth so her diapers lately have not been fun, but this one was BAD. I quickly took her to the bathroom, used the WHOLE travel case of wipes to clean her up, grabbed a change of clothes in her bag,  then discovered that I HAD NO DIAPERS IN HER DIAPER BAG. Seriously? Who does that? Of all the things to NOT have in a diaper bag. I remember changing her at my aunt and uncle's on Sunday and thinking "yikes, this is the last diaper in here, I need to put more in her bag"  but obviously forgot all about it when I got home.

So I ended up just putting her in her change of clothes with no diaper. By some miracle, we were able to drive the 15 minutes home without her peeing or pooping again.  As soon as we got home though, I discovered that I was covered in poop from carrying her. How did I not notice this??? Put her down on the floor with some toys so I could change and she starts hysterically crying and holding her arms up saying "mama, mama."  Teething has also made for a very clingy baby! I had to just let her cry because I had to get out of those yucky clothes but by the time I was changed into my pj's, I was crying too. I felt so stupid for not having a diaper and I felt awful listening to her cry for me and not being able to pick her up because I had to clean poop off my clothes and arms. I know it doesn't sound like a big deal but I just felt like such a failure because of all the things to forget?!?! I gave her a bath and we spent the rest of the night snuggling watching Sprout network until bedtime. Nick came home and I started crying again just telling him what happened because I felt so stupid. Nick looked at me and said "so? you forgot a diaper!" Then he proceeded to tell me all the great things I do as a mom like singing songs, playing with Kennedy on the floor, taking her on walks, reading to her every night, praying with her every night, talking and interacting with her instead of being addicted to my Iphone like so many other moms. After that, I realized he was right. I forgot to restock her diaper bag. So what. So much worse could have happened! I felt a little silly for getting so emotional. No mom is perfect and I know that God chose me as Kennedy's mom because he knew I would be a great mom to her. Even when I forget to restock the diaper bag....